Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
