Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
