New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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