Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
