my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
