he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
