Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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