he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
