Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
