so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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