That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
