help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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