I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
