You took a bar mat shot.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
