Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
