i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
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Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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