I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I love you. Go after that dick
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize