Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
