Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
