The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
