dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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