I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
it's like iHOP with fire
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
