When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
