Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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