My room smells like vodka and shame
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
