If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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