please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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