If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
whose parrot is this?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
