I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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