her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
