Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
