we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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