now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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