i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
