hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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