I cannot find my penis.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize