Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
