My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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