Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
When are your genitals available?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
