Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
