Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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