I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
