hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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