When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
