You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
bring money and cleavage
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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