You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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