So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
