This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
