dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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