She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
