you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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