don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
