A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
