Your mouth is God's brothel.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
