I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
