so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
