I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Who died my cat blue again?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize