He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
